


gonna get my honey back, sometime

by youareiron_andyouarestrong



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Fake Ex!au, as usual, in which Barry and Iris fool no one except themselves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-05
Updated: 2016-09-05
Packaged: 2018-08-13 02:47:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7959316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youareiron_andyouarestrong/pseuds/youareiron_andyouarestrong
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Barry wanted to make it abundantly clear that this was not how he intended to break up with Becky Cooper. But the relationship was getting worse and worse and Cisco and Caitlin basically staged an intervention to talk to him about it. And apparently, they had both come to the same conclusion: stage an incredibly public, melodramatic break up with some help from Barry’s oldest friend (and the girl he’s been in love with since he was a kid), Iris West. </p>
<p>("my current partner is a huge asshole and i need a reason to break up with them so will you pretend to be my possessive and violent ex")</p>
            </blockquote>





	gonna get my honey back, sometime

“This is,” Barry said, slowly and with great deliberation and emphasis, “quite possibly, the  _worst_ idea any of us have ever had and I think it’s going to blow up in our faces.” 

“O ye of little faith,” Cisco said reproachfully. “When have  _any_ of our plans blown up in our faces?”

“ _Do not_ answer that,” Caitlin advised. 

Barry wanted to make it  _abundantly_ clear that this was  _not_ how he intended to break up with Becky Cooper. But the relationship was getting worse and worse and Cisco and Caitlin basically staged an  _intervention_ to talk to him about it. And apparently, they had both come to the same conclusion: stage an incredibly public, melodramatic break up with some help from Barry’s oldest friend (and the girl he’s been in love with since he was a kid), Iris West. 

Barry had balked. Of course he had! He had argued and protested and tried to say a flat out  _no_ the minute Cisco and Caitlin had brought it up, but they ganged up on him.  _“This is not a healthy relationship Barry.” “Joe and Iris agree with us, Barry.” “We are your friends and we love you so we’re telling you the truth Barry.”_   Which, to be fair, Barry knew they were right. But he still, on principle, disliked being backed into a corner about it. 

Iris, when he’d brought it up with her, had been no help. “I’ve been saying for _months_ that you guys didn’t have a healthy relationship,” she’d said. “And frankly, I’d be willing to do a lot more than just pretend to be your ex-girlfriend to get rid of  _Bec-ky Coo-per,”_ and Barry had never heard Iris use her usual mocking pronunciation with such venom. 

So here they were, on a Friday night, at a bar that featured both dancing and karaoke Barry had only been to once with Caitlin and Cisco, but never with Becky because she thought karaoke was  _tacky and embarrassing._ Cisco looked at Becky after this announcement and had said in a completely flat voice, “Why do you hate  _joy.”_

Becky hated Cisco. She wasn’t too fond of Caitlin either, and she  _really_ disliked Iris. She wasn’t even particularly polite to  _Joe_ some days and she never mentioned or brought up Henry or even accompanied Barry when he went to visit him. She complained about everything Barry chose to do and sometimes he caught himself looking at her and wondering,  _why do I even like you again._   

But he’d stayed with her, because that’s what you  _did_ in adult relationships: you worked it out. You stuck it out. You tried again. Even if it was hard.

It had been Iris, curiously enough, who had sat him down and talked him about it, after Cisco and Caitlin had presented their plan and Barry had initially refused point blank. Iris put her hand on his arm and looked him dead in the eye and said, “Sometimes you do the best you can, you can give everything you have, and the other person will be the one to tell you,  _it’s not enough, your best is not good enough for me and I don’t care that you tried._ When the other person is not willing to bend to meet you at  _all,_ Bear, is when you can go.”

So he’d agreed to it. He’d agreed to this harebrained scheme and was now sitting at a corner table with Caitlin on his left, the two of them watching Cisco do a pretty great (if a little too on the nose) rendition of “Hit the Road Jack.” Caitlin gave him comforting smiles and squeezed his hand in reassurance as Barry sat on the edge of his seat, looking around for Iris, who would be arriving first and then shortly after, most likely Becky, because Cisco was going to put pictures up on Instagram and Twitter and tag Barry in them, upon which Becky would see them and no doubt head down here to confront him about it.

The idea of the upcoming drama and confrontation made Barry’s stomach clench.

“It’s going to be fine,” said Caitlin soothingly, for what felt like the millionth time. “We’ll be here, we won’t let her do anything, it’ll go fine.”

“ _I’m_ the one who’s going to have to do the breaking up,” Barry reminded her miserably.

“Not if we do this right,” Caitlin said, as Cisco ended his song and made a few dramatic bows to the laughing, clapping audience.

Barry scrubbed his hands across the legs of his jeans, one leg bouncing agitatedly under the table, wishing for something to _do_. Anything but this waiting.

Caitlin glanced over her shoulder towards the door and said softly, “Barry, Iris is here.”

Barry turned immediately and forgot about everything else.

Iris was wearing a short black dress that looked like it was made of leather, with lacy flowers scalloped across the V-shaped neckline. Her heels were tall and she walked into the bar like an oncoming hurricane. Men’s heads turned to watch her but Iris wasn’t looking back at any of them. She was looking at _Barry._ Her mouth was a rich, deep red and she smiled at him like she wanted to devour him then and there in the middle of the bar.

He would’ve gotten up to greet her, but quite frankly, he’d forgotten he had legs at all and that they worked.

Iris came up their table as Caitlin beat a quick, tactful retreat to the bar and Cisco sauntered past them to join her, shooting Barry a quick grin and a thumbs-up. “Hey baby,” Iris said, still smiling that full, devouring smile, “what are you doing tonight?”

If Barry was a cooler, slightly chiller person, he would’ve said something like, _“Hopefully you,”_ or some other smooth remark, but as it was, he just barely managed to stammer out, “Iris—”

She beamed at him fondly, just the same as she always did, but it never seemed so full of such dangerous promise before.  “Well,” she said, in a voice like whisky, “that can be arranged, baby. All you have to do is ask.”

Barry’s one coherent thought was _I am not going to survive tonight._

Without further ado, because Iris Ann West never did anything by half measures, she swung herself smoothly into his lap, gracefully adjusting her dress as she settled in, Barry automatically moving  his hands to keep her balanced. He’d been right, the dress _was_ made of leather and that gave him all kinds of awful, wonderful ideas.

Iris glanced at him over her shoulder, all warm, melting smiles, but with concern in her eyes. “You alright there, Bear?” her voice was soft, but pitched to his ears in the crowded, loud bar, a new band beginning to take over the stage.

“Fine,” he replied, slightly strangled. “Great. How are you?”

“I’m great, thanks,” Iris replied softly. “Bear, breathe before you pass out.”

Barry took a very deep breath and shot her an apologetic look. “Sorry, I’m just—”

“Nervous,” Iris supplied. “I understand. But it’s gonna be fine. Now when the next song starts, dance with me.”

Barry gave her a look of unmitigated panic. They both knew how terribly _bad_ he was at dancing. “I’ll lead,” Iris promised and despite the fact Iris West was sitting on his lap, something he’d had fantasies about for _years_ , Barry felt himself relax a little.

Anyone looking at them would’ve seen any other young couple, draped over each other in a fairly mild display of public affection.  Iris stroked the back of his hand lightly, twining their fingers together at one point, squeezing firmly, and when a new song started, she levered herself off him, turned and held out her hand, smiling full of promise. And Barry, because he would follow Iris off the edge of the earth, got up and took it.

Iris kept her promise; she led in dancing. Barry didn’t mind; no one was watching him anyways, they were all looking at Iris. Having her in his arms gave him an unaccountable feeling of possession; she wasn’t dancing with or looking at anyone else here but _him._

These were dangerous thoughts, he knew, because they made him think of all the things he couldn’t have, was _never_ going to have, because after this, they would go back to being what they had always been: lifelong best friends, definitely not romantic partners. But tonight, right now, Barry could give over to this ridiculous charade and cling to it for all he was worth—while it lasted.

A song with a steady, sultry beat started up. Iris gave him one quick look— _is this okay? Are you okay?—_ as she let her hands slide up his back and around his neck. Barry nodded and pulled her closer to him, hands clenching in the soft leather of her dress.

By the time the song went by, Barry had pretty much forgotten Cisco was taking pictures, or this whole thing was an elaborate set up to end his current romantic relationship. He and Iris were dancing, she was rolling her hips into his, the dance floor was dark and crowded, the music was enough to drown out any kind of coherent thought. He let himself bury his face in the curve of her neck, mouth at the skin there, the strong, graceful lines of her throat and the tendons there. Her perfume was something dark and warm and he could taste salt. Iris sighed and shuddered underneath him, clenched her hands in hair, half purring half gasping, “ _Barry_ ” in his ear, running out any and all reservations about this being a good idea or not.

They weren’t kissing—not exactly, but their faces were close enough to do it, their noses brushing—and Barry was starting to wonder if maybe he _should,_ because that would definitely bring Becky down here in a heartbeat if she saw it when Iris’s hands tightened in his shirt. “Three o’clock,” she muttered and Barry felt like he was surfacing from deep water, lifting his head to look around them.

Cisco and Caitlin were waving frantically from the bar, signaling towards the door and a loud enough voice to cut across the music demanded, “What the _hell_ is this?”

Becky stood a few feet away from them, hands planted on her hips, dressed in a way definitely did not look like she’d been hanging out at her apartment—which is what she’d _told_ Barry she’d been doing when he said he was meeting Cisco and Caitlin at this bar tonight.

Iris didn’t let go of Barry for a second. She smiled sweetly, viciously at Becky, curling her fingers into the collar of his shirt, whole body still pressed itself up against him, letting herself drape over him. “What’s it look like?”

“It _looks_ like my boyfriend’s cheating on me,” Becky said, her voice cutting sharp and shrill, causing every other person on the dance floor to turn and stare at them, _oh god._ “But that’s ridiculous, because we both know someone like _Barry_ could never ever be with someone like _you.”_

A lot of things could’ve happened then, any number of them. But the one thing Barry surprised everyone by doing, including himself, was not hitting a girl for the first time in his life (though he was tempted). What he did instead was face Iris, loop his arms around her waist and pull her straight off the ground so he could kiss her, full on the lips in the middle of the dance floor, in front of God and everybody. From what felt like a very great distance away, he heard Becky shriek indignantly and then the sound of her heels storming away, some scattered applause from God knew where—but Iris was kissing him back. And it didn’t feel like she was faking it.

When Barry finally lifted his head, the rest of the bar had gone back to their business, now that the drama was over, Cisco gave him another thumbs-up from the bar, grinning hugely at their success, Caitlin looked cautiously pleased. He looked back at Iris, color high in her cheeks and something in her eyes that looked like a question.

Barry swallowed hard. He’d spent all his life being afraid of answering the question that lurked in Iris’s eyes and now, just _now_ , running high on the memory of their kiss and Becky’s departure, he grasped at the courage to answer.

But Iris, fearless Iris, beat him to it. “I think,” she said slowly, carefully, laying out each word like they might break, “I think maybe I should just stick with you. Just in case she tries anything again, okay?”

“Okay,” Barry agreed, not letting go, even for a second, as Iris showed no signs of wanting to move. “Maybe you should just stay forever, in that case.”

It was hardly the smoothest way of getting what he wanted to say across, but _god,_ at least he’d finally _said_ it. It was out in the open now; Barry felt like he’d been laid open for all to see. The corners of Iris’s mouth twitched, she gave him a look, so full of exasperation and affection and something like _relief._

“Yeah,” she said softly. “Yeah, okay. I’ll stay.”

Barry let out a huge, shuddering sigh of relief and let his forehead rest against hers. “Thank god,” he said in a voice of utter sincerity and Iris actually laughed; arms around his neck.

Thankfully, Cisco had been busy blocking Becky from all of Barry’s social media accounts, so the picture of the two of them dancing got record likes. The one of them _kissing_ Cisco sent to Barry and Iris alone. That was for them.  


End file.
